If you read 1 Timothy 1:15 you’ll see how the apostle Paul considered himself the fore most sinner in the world. This was due to his past. Well fast forward approx 2000 years and today I’m The Worst of These, these being my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I’m the worst of these because of my past.
I grew up in a conservative Christian home, a conservative Christian Spanish speaking Latino/Hispanic Church, learned how to talk the talk, dressed to par, was in line to be a pastor but was rotting inside because I had been working on the exterior for most of my life; my soul was sick and although I spoke about “spiritual” things I couldn’t see the condition of my own soul. It’s interesting how Jesus mentions there’s people who have eyes but cannot see. I know! It was such a sad condition I found myself in.
The pinnacle of my faults, my sin, my rock bottom was cheating on my wife, in the bible that’s called adultery. I lost my ministry, and almost lost my God (my faith), my family and myself. That fall was from so high, I metaphorically hit the ground so hard, it would either wake me up or it would kill me. By God’s grace, even though when I was living through it I didn’t recognize it as such right away, it was a wake up call.
Waking up required taking responsibility for all my decisions, especially all the bad ones that I didn’t even want to acknowledge. Waking up required admitting to the fact that I wasn’t trusting God with all of my heart, all of soul and all of my strength. Waking up was becoming 100% aware of who I was, who I wasn’t, what I wanted, what I really didn’t want, of what I was feeling, why I was feeling what I was feeling. Waking up was realizing that I wasn’t awake. For what felt like forever, I was just a zombie, a dead man walking.
